Another Storee
August 28, 2006 by dryxanne
The silence is so deafening. Lying alone in the dark, struggling with all the thoughts I know I shouldn’t have. Telling myself to be strong, this will soon get over. But why do i feel the doubts? I can hear something’s breaking, my heart. The first crack line is making its way to the end corner. Another scar, another wound, another 18 months to go with the pain. I’m waiting in the dark, waiting in silence. Hoping that I would be good. Praying really hard, that even if I lose you, even that we both know there would never be a good end to this, I would be good…I would be fine and I would be good…
that I would be good even if I lost sanity
that I would be good
whether with or without you
But what do I tell my breaking aching heart? This stubborn heart, it seems to have its own mind. It wouldn’t mind what my brain tells it. It keeps breaking, keep continuing its cracking line. Now the line has breeding, it has smaller lines on the side. The crack is not single line now, it’s spreading like branches. It’s slowly creating fragile layers.
I wake up lonely, there’s air of silence
In the bedroom and all around
Make believing we’re together
That I’m sheltered by your heart
But in and outside I turn to water
Like a teardrop in your palm
No single tears running down my face. No sobbing, just complete silence and feel of emptiness in me. Maybe we both just take advantage out of each other, do we really care? No promises, no shades of hope, no future. No words of love. Just memories I wish I could tell my brain to erase. It could’ve been great, but we both know it wouldn’t ever lead us anywhere. And I know perhaps I’d never win your heart completely. And you know how much I hate to be loser. You know how much I want it to be completely.
But you, you’re not allowed
You’re uninvited
An unfortunate slight
Our time ran out, so I had to go. I had to leave. I could read no regrets in your eyes. But what does it tell me? I couldn’t read anything else on your face as well. Of all the lines I’ve read, all the signs I’ve seen, I couldn’t read anything that particular moment. Your face was as straight as the wall, as I walked away. Leaving the magical moments be magical moments we’ll always treasure. And there you were, strong as the rock. Standing strongly despite of the hard wind blowing. You were my rock for a while. And now that I have to face the waves all by myself. Your strength had been my reef, and it’s now the time for me to sail on alone.
It must have been love, but it’s over now
It must have been good, but I lost it somehow
It must have been love, but it’s over now
From the moment we touched till the time had run out
If only we could sail off together. If only we could walk away from everything, leaving everything behind. Me with my past, you with your history. But no, there is no easy way. And we must continue to walk this path, you with your line, me with mine. If only we could go to somewhere only we know. Someplace where no judgements, no prejudices, no hearts hurt. I would have wanted you to come away with me, if only such place does exist. But would you come away with me?
I wanna walk with you, on a cloudy day
In fields where the yellow grass grows knee-high
So won’t you try to come…
I wanna wake up with the rain
Falling on a tin roof
While I’m safe there in your arms
So all I ask is for you
To come away with me in the night
Come away with me…
Someday, somewhere, sometime, maybe not this lifetime. You could be mine. We’ll walk in the fields, you will be my standing tough rock, my shelter, my soulmate. I will be your gentle blowing wind, calming your angry heart and your fuzzy minds. Someday, somewhere, sometime, in another lifetime…
(to “Adek”, my stone-cold rock through the tough times. Never wanted to make you sad, to see you sad becoz of me or what I said, is the last thing on my mind. This is a memorabilia to our precious times, only us could understand…)
