Dryxanne’s Confessions

This one is for all the memories of Imlek when I was a kid…

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As a kid, my world was of course quite limited. Wake up, bath, Go to school, lunch, taking nap, doing homeworks, play, bath again, dinner, sleep. As only daughter, was even more limited. I was not allowed to ride a bicycle (and yes, until now I can’t ride one), was not allowed to swim without my parents or some elders surveillance (so, I would definitely drown like stone if you throw me to a pool), and many more, yet I still managed to play kites and marbles and some picture cards we called "teplekan". Note that the "teplekan" is different than the "tepekan", with the latter one is a term for cheating notes made during exams.

So you can imagine, throughout the year, any festive celebration was a great day for me as kid. Including the Imlek, at that time was my festive day of the year.

I remember that whenever Imlek was around the corner, my enthusiasm grew high, as I was eagerly waiting for new clothes. And new shoes. And new hair accessories. My Mom would buy me at least 2 new gowns or 2 pairs of shirts and skirts, 1 pair of new shoes and sometimes 1 new hair accessories. And I was especially very enthusiastic waiting for the new clothes, which were usually nicer than my cousin’s, because my Mom would ask my Aunts living in Jakarta to buy for me, so my clothes were usually different than the rest of the kids, different in the term of nicer, more unique and new style etc. Not necessarily expensive, but more cute. Objects of hidden jealousy. Haha..!!

I remember I had 1 sling bag, a cute small  red sling bag that I would carry around when I visited neighbors and relatives and went on parade around with my friends, collecting Angpaos along the way. And a pair of red shiny shoes. Oh Gosh…I was so red during Imlek when I was still a kid. And I still remember I had one of those balloon skirt, the one that is being back in the fashion these days. When I was in junior high, I could still remember all my Imlek clothes from 1st year of Primary school until 3rd year. But now I guess I’ve grown old that I can’t remember anymore except the balloon skirt.

And all the cookies. Every house would prepare few jars of cookies and cakes, and we loved to eat as much as we could. Although if our parents tag along, they would warn us not to eat too many, other than embarassing them as parents with "greedy" kids, it was not good for our health as it would later cause sore throat. And I remember that canned drinks like Sunkist, 7Up, Sprite etc were only preserved for Imlek, during which we as kids were allowed to drink them with limited amount. And no, we were not from poor family, but it was just rules for kids. Yeah, live as a kid seemed not much fun right?

But u know what? I would love to experience all those things once again. To ride and walk around in new clothes and shoes, to collect Angpaos from house to house and couldn’t care less about the amount (it’s the fun that counts!), to be taken pictures when I felt being at the most beautiful stage of my life of the year (with my Mom’s blush on and lipstick! and new braided hairstyle done by my Mom herself!).

To feel the family bond, the happiness and cheerful moments, that now seem so far away. Where and how did all those things go away? That now it’s made me into someone so apathetic about this day of the year. That now I’m not that enthusiastic anymore, that to me it has lost all the meaning and happiness I used to relate it about. That to me, it doesn’t matter anymore whether I could come home to celebrate it with my parents, because u know, any day to gather with my family would do, not necessarily need to wait for Imlek. And that I have lost its specialty among any other day of the year.

Oh well, now I’ve become so bitter. And I’m not proud about that, instead I’m wondering why and how this has happened to me, and whether there would be any way for me to grow back those enthusiasm and deep meanings of Imlek back in my heart. Maybe because I have grown older and older, seeing too many realities and bitter facts of life that made me become like this.

Does anyone feel like I do?

Gong Xi Fat Choy, everyone…