On Problems of Communication
March 22, 2007 by dryxanne
Does anyone believe that I have a problem of communication?
Probably, no one will believe this. Someone once said that of all people he knows, I was the one who could explain things in precisions, and now I’m having a problem of communication?
That would be ridiculous, don’t you think?
But then, it is true. And it is the sole reason why today I’m feeling bitter. And I couldn’t tell anymore, whether this time’s bitterness is bitter than the previous ones, or sweeter than the previous ones. I just lost track.
Maybe, the one person that I’m having miscommunication with, will strongly disagree that this is merely a problem of miscommunication, and somehow in my heart, I also suspect the same. But, I wouldn’t say that miscommunication doesn’t play a role in the bitterness I’m having.
Especially if I just can’t use the right words to express what I actually feel, and what I actually care about, and what I actually would like to do, or to avoid, for that matters.
And I just can’t erase the sadness and bitterness I could feel in his voice when he said that I cared more of others’ feelings, strangers, rather than his. And how disappointed he is because of that and because of how hypocrite I am.
How unaccountable and lack of integrity I am, for acting in contrary of what I had said, for the sake of filling my unreasonable curiosity and outrageous jealousy.
If you read this, for a thousand time probably, I could only say I’m sorry…I’m sorry for hurting you so badly, and for disappointing you so deeply, because eventually, apparently, I’m no better than anybody else who are just a bunch of hypocrites that just talk the talk and never walk the walk.
But, will "sorry" ever be enough to mend your wounded heart…?
