(If It’s What’s Right to Do) Why It Hurts so Bad Inside?
August 8, 2007 by dryxanne
Doing the right thing, sometimes can be so difficult.
So hard to do, so hard to bear the consequences.
Too hard that it rips your heart into bleeding pieces, when you realize the effects caused. To decide to do it, thinking to be able to deal with the results later, then do it, then face the consequences that are just too painful to bear.
Your tears drop inevitably.
You’re shaking, sobbing, trying to stop yourself from screaming, of why the world can be so unfair, that you have to take the decision that crushes you to dust, for the sake of others’ happiness. For the sake of others’ peace of mind, while you’re about to lose your own mind.
And when you stand there, looking at what’s gone, finding emptiness of everything that once filled with sweetness that colored your days and nights, teardrops run down your face.
And you just have to deal with it, quietly, in silence, so that people don’t know what you’re going through. So that people think you are still you. You still hold the control of your life and your world, eventhough what’s left of it might just be a tiny piece of shattered heart.
And you think time heals.
Time does not heal.
You will find yourself passing time mindless. You will find yourself keep yourself busy, so that your mind occupied, so that you won’t have enough time to play that old memories, again and again in your mind. You will say to yourself you will have a new beginning, a whole new world to explore, while the truth is, you don’t want to ever go out again. You don’t want to meet anyone new again. Because finding new shoes does not cure your aching feet.
You try to cure your wounded heart. You lock yourself in your room, you drown yourself in works, you buy things that you think may cheer you up a bit.
At the end of the day, you go home alone. And the deafening silence echoing on your walls, it’s still there. Screaming of joy and happiness you once tasted, but now that it’s lost forever you begin to wonder, did it ever happen at all?
Giving up love, is just as hard as losing memories…
