Dryxanne’s Confessions

Last night, or this early morning exactly, at 1.30 AM, after finishing Audrey Niffenegger’s "The Time Traveler’s Wife", as usual I did my habit. I turned to the first few pages and re-read them, just to refresh my memory on how the book began. And I think perhaps I’ve put down the book for quite some time in the middle of reading it before I started again, I kinda forgot how the story began, and reading those few pages really refreshed my mind.

The beginning chapter was telling the 1st time Henry met Clare, or at least that’s what Henry thought. And then there was the scene where Clare asked Henry about Ingrid, Henry’s then girlfriend. Henry said that he and Ingrid were about to break up, or at least Henry was thinking to leave Ing. He said he and Ing were having too much fights that he thought they wouldn’t work it out anyway.

That scene struck me deeply. I was thinking, from the point of all that was considered "good" or protagonist, or for the sake of the main characters’ happiness, it was understandable that Henry needed to leave Ing, so he could eventually be with Clare, the one meant to be his soul mate. But what if we see from Ing’s point of view?

I was thinking, what if I, or you, or anyone, was in the position of Ingrid? A woman who thought that despite of all the fights, they would still find a way out to make things fine again? A woman who thinks that she and her man are meant to be together, while the man thinks opposite and eventually the man finds someone who HE thinks fit him better than the current one he’s with?

It’s a LOSER’S point of view, an opinion from the loser’s side. Many times we only think from the "winner’s side", and think that the "loser" must deal with it anyhow.  But I’ve been many times, most of times, on the loser’s side, and so I know how hurt it was for Ingrid to accept that Henry was meant to be with Clare. How hurt it was to know that Clare was the best for Henry, Clare was the one that understood Henry and knew him better than anyone else. And so, no wonder Ingrid did suicide.

I’ve been standing in Ingrid’s shoes, once, long time ago. And it was the most torturing stage of my life. I could say that at that time, all I thought was, screw all the things they say about be happy for the one you love, if you really love him you’d let him go, if you can’t make him happy then let him be with the one that could.

SCREW IT ALL.

No one from the winner’s side could ever understand what it feels like to be standing on the loser’s side, unless they’ve been on the loser’s side at the exact same situation. Anyone who say they know how it feels, without ever step in the same shoes, are just plain HYPOCRITES who say things just because those things sound good and right to say out loud.